Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
