Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
