i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
