I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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