i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
