Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
