Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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