she was so not down for the gang bang
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
