Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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