I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
