Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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