I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
