I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
