She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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