at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
