I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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