I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
