I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
