i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
