Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
