My friends, they love my intelligence
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
