I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
