I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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