Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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