Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
