I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
