Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
