Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Houston, we have a squirter
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
