dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
