i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
