Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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