I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
