i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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