Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
