the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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