Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
