i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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