I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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