i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
