i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
