Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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