I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
