I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
