Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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