this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
