Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
