Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
