Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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