what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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