do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
