i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
