somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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