Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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