I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
